When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
