Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
