I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
