Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
