wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
