the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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