you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
