i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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