the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
