he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
