am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
