Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My vagina just clenched in fear
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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