Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
