I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
