my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
