3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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