I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
