Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this will be a night to untag.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
