I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
