His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
