Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
