those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
