Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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