The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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