everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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