Say something about gay babies.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
