I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
