Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So vagazzling was a success
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
