the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
