the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
