She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
