It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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