how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
