You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
