she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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