I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
this hospital has no fireball
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
