and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
