You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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