So drunk its hurt
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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