Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
