I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
