why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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