I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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