god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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