can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
