I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
