I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
