ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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