im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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