before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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